Exhaustion
by Puldoh
Summary: He's exhausted, tired. He knows his brothers are just as lost as he is...but he's doing all he can, helping where he can...Updated June 25, 2012
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The lair was quiet now, it was eerie.

Everything was different now.

Mikey was numb, had been since it happened.

Mikey officially hated funerals.

Their father had passed away 2 weeks before.

They had returned home from the funeral.

They brought him to North Hampton's. The one place he enjoyed where he could sit under the sun with his sons. They were all in shock, not sure what to do now.

They were hit hard with their father passing away, the brothers missing him with a vengeance.

Splinters death happened quickly and suddenly.

Mikey laid back on his bed, covering himself with a blanket as his thoughts drifting back, remembering his father's death…

_He had heard Splinter's gasp of pain, and had hurried into the room. _

_Mikey saw his father on the ground, and he ran to pick him up. _

"_DAD! Oh my God! Donnie! Donnie! Hurry, Dad, please, talk to me!" Mikey said frantically, his hand reaching for where Splinter's pulse lay in his throat. _

_He held his father as he screamed for Donnie. _

_Screaming because Father wasn't breathing, wasn't drawing breath, wasn't looking at him and saying 'I am alright my son.' _

_No!_

_ Father's body was shaking now, before falling limp 5 seconds later. "DONNIE!" he screamed for his older brother. _

_He grunted as Donnie pushed him aside in his panic, screaming at him to call the guys. _

_Mikey picked up the Shell Cell, tears falling down his face as he shakily pushed the blue button. The phone rang twice before Leo's clear crisp voice as he answered, "What is it Mikey, I'm not getting you any pizza!" _

"_L…Leo there….Splinter….he…" he started to sob, not able to stop as he tried to tell Leo what happened. He watched in shock as Donnie did chest compressions. _

"_Splinter what Mikey! Take a deep breath and answer me!" Leo ordered in a panicked voice. _

_He breathed in sharply, inhaling as he spoke, "He c..collapsed…. home…. hurry…" Mikey whispered tearfully._

"_I'll call Raph and April, help Donnie!" Leo ordered before he clicked the phone off. _

_Mikey stared at Don who was looking frantic. "Wh…" he broke off, terrified his thought was true. _

_That Father was dead. He didn't realize how much he was shaking as he stared up at Donnie. _

"_Mikey help me, do the chest compressions, while I breathe," Don ordered, "His heart just stopped, I need some help."  
><em>

_Mikey nodded and quickly started doing the chest compressions, pushing down every 15 compressions to one of Donnie's breaths. _

_He was scared, no scratch that, he was fucking terrified as he stared at his father. _

_Splinter wasn't breathing and Don was gasping, out of breath, growing weaker but he continued to breathe for his father. _

"_I'll take over," Mikey whispered hoarsely, he was slowly growing numb to the horror he was witnessing. _

"_No. your asthma…you can't…!" Don protested feebly, but knew he couldn't handle any more rescue breathing. _

_Mikey knew his asthma had been flaring up lately but it wasn't so bad, he convinced himself, he had to help father._

_He hadn't had an attack in a week, knowing that the only reason why was he was on restriction from activities. _

_He started to breathe into Splinters mouth, fervently wondering if their Father would ever wake up. _

_Or would his wise brown eyes never open again…_

_They heard the door of the lair open and pounding feet through the living room, and into their father's room. He could hear their panicked voices asking questions but he kept breathing for Splinter. _

_He was suddenly violently shoved away, crashing into the wall. Don grunted as he too was pushed away and Raph and Leo took over._

_They watched in silence as they continued to work. Finally after another 20 minutes, 40 in total, they sat back, brow's wet with sweat. _

_Leo whispered, "He's gone…"_

_Mike sat there, numb and lost. It didn't seem real. It can't be real. Splinter was always there, he can't just be gone. He didn't know how long he sat there blankly. He was just frozen. _

_He felt someone nudge his shoulder and glanced up at April, who looked at him concerned. Mikey finally felt the world suddenly zoom in, hearing his ragged breathing, and the sobbing in the room. _

_He could hear Raph's loud voice screaming his pain. _

_Leo's pained murmur to Donnie, who was crying in Leo's arms. _

_Casey's murmurs to Raph, gentle... _

_April's voice asking where his inhaler was…_

_That was puzzling…why was she asking that?_

_Inhaler?_

_Mikey didn't even realize he was wheezing. It made sense, the world seemed off. His breathing soon overcame him, growing louder in his ears. He felt the world zoom out of focus, the breathing consuming his hearing. _

_He felt someone grabbing his hands, shoving something in his hands, words blurred together. _

_Panicked voices that seem to blur together…_

_Suddenly, he felt Raph slap his face, and the world cleared, but there was this deep suffocating noise, a loud wheezing echoing into his ears. _

_Raph was yelling at him, "Use this Mike, NOW!"_

_Use what Raphie?_

_Finally Mikey realized what was in his hands. _

_My inhaler…_

_N…need to breathe…._

_He fumbled as he tried to shakily bring it to his lips. His breathing was making a loud whistling sound now as he tried to press the bottle down._

_He felt himself losing consciousness, the world flickering out, but Raph shook him, making him focus. _

_He was tired…_

"_I'll hold it, I'll press down, breathe damnit!" Raph said angrily, "Now!" as he pressed down the small metal canister into its holder. _

_Mikey gasped in the medicine, and felt it loosen his chest, his throat opening a bit bigger. It helped a bit. _

_He waved for another and Raph obliged. _

_He's using the emergency orange one….weird…he only used that one twice before…_

_Then Mikey inhaled deeply, giving his brothers a tired smile, before he allowed the darkness to take him. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

_When he woke up, he laid there, a hollow feeling inside him. It took him a moment before he realized and remembered what had happened. That feeling, it was grief that someone was missing in his heart, and it hurt. _

_He felt a sob forming, tears filling his eyes. He started to cry. _

_He tried to remain quiet, not wanting to draw any attention._

_He needing his privacy, and to process what happened, so he covered himself with his blankets, curling into it, trying to draw comfort. _

_He cried himself back to sleep. _

He didn't know how his brothers reacted at first, he was lost in his own pain...

_I miss you father..._

_Why did you have to die?_

* * *

><p>2 weeks later:<p>

_Don retreated to his lab, grieving along, unable to communicate the pain he was in for not saving his father. _

_He snapped at all of them, spouting long words and talking down, trying to hide his pain. He refused to fix anything. And when confronted by about his attitude, he started to lash back, taking his frustration out at them. _

_Leo and Raph started to lash out at each other, constantly at odds and usually ended up in physical fights, leading to injuries. _

_It had started small, a shove hear, a push there, and now, it was full on fighting! Mikey watched silently, as they tear their home apart trying to get to each other, and Mikey stopped trying to stop them. _

_He only got hurt in the process and it took quite a few blows before that got through his head. _

_They all forgot about him. _

He took blows and verbal assault from his brothers, everyday, he would be yelled at, for something he had done.

Silently, he watched as they fought each other, having learned his lesson of not interfering. He had a few new cuts and bruises from when he first tried to prevent Raph and Leo fighting, a dozen new scars.

Mikey watched his family tear themselves apart, break apart from each other. He felt hallow as he heard them yelling '_They would be better off on their own' _and '_That they wished they would just go away_.'

_When he did try to say something, they shook their heads at him, yelling at him, and he would retreat, back away in fear. _

After the lair was quiet, and he knew it would be safe to come out from his room, he would look around, his heart aching as he saw his home.

It was in disaster, couches with gashes, plates and cups broken on the floor, remote destroyed, and it continued on.

_It's like we were attacked by the Foot or something….but it's just…us…_

_We're tearing ourselves apart…_

He slowly started to pick up the pieces, trying to bring his home back to normal.

_Maybe if I clean it…maybe if it looks like how it did when Splinter was here, things would change…_

Mikey started cleaning.

It was the only thing he could think of to help his brothers. He cleaned up after their messes, fixing what was broken, replacing what used to be there.

He made sure everything was cleaned and tidied.

_Just like it used to be…_

Mikey walked around the lair, picking up everything that was on the floor, setting aside what needed to be fixed. He knew how to fix most things, Donnie had taught him a long time ago, so he could take over the smaller jobs Don didn't like doing.

_Guess it's a good time to start…_

Mikey sighed quietly, relishing in the quietness of the lair, his own heart throbbing as he remembered Splinter watching his soaps on the TV, or when he would sit with a cup of tea, talking with them about things that needed to be done.

He picked up broken plates and cups and threw them away, making note to pick up some more at the discount store. He methodically started cleaning the living room and worked his way to the kitchen, cleaning it as well.

After he finished cleaning, he paused for a moment, thinking of what else could he do. He couldn't just do nothing, his brothers needed him, despite them ignoring him.

_They need to eat, I can't let them starve._

Mikey walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbed some simple items to make supper.

_Spaghetti and Veggies sound good and it's easy…_

He quickly started making supper, and grabbed himself a plate, eating. It tasted bland and tasteless to him, his brain only functioning on it was food, and not something to be enjoyed.

Mikey sighed, knowing within, that his food tasted quite good, but he couldn't bring himself to enjoy it.

_I can't be happy…it's wrong…not right now…at least…_

_Smiles were bad…_

He sighed, staring at his plate, it was a small portion of food, he wasn't even hungry, but he knew he needed something.

_Gotta keep my bros going! No one else is going to do it…and F…Father is gone…_

Appetite gone now, he got back up, and prepared plates for his brothers, putting them aside to hand out later.

He then grabbed his dinner plates and the pots and pans he used to cook with, and quickly washed and cleaned the dishes, putting them away after he dried them.

Mikey quickly gathered up the plates, and snuck into his brothers' room, placing the plates on a nearby table or desk, knowing they would eat it when they were ready, and quietly left.

_It's the only thing I can do…is to help them without them knowing it…_

When he returned to his room, he looked around his room, usually finding something in his room that made him smile.

But now, he was just empty. He missed his father all the time. He missed how he could just talk to him, and feel so much better.

_We're lost without you dad…I miss you so much…what else can I do…I…I wish you were here…_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A month slowly goes by:

April asked him once how he was doing, and his brothers. Mikey grimaced at the memory.

"_How are you guys..you know, since Splinter passed away?" April asked gently as she handed over the bags of food. _

_Mikey shook his head tiredly, handing April the envelope of money, to pay for the groceries, "Same as it always was April…no change yet.." he lifted up the bags, "Thanks for picking up the groceries and plates April, it means a lot. I'll come by later and fix that phone and stereo Casey broke."_

_April frowned, "I…I thought Don fixed things Mikey…?" looking puzzled. _

_Mikey laughed bitterly, "He's too busy…Donnie…doesn't have time to fix much of anything except the security…which reminds me…I got to refill my meds…" he said to himself as he started walking away, mumbling. _

_April's eyes widen at the words confused and worried about her Turtle Side of the family. She called his name, but Mikey ignored her, he needed to get home. _

_Mikey left April's place thinking '__I still gotta clean the dishes and the bathroom tonight…._

_I'm so tired…'_

Mikey thought about his brothers as he ran home, thinking of ways to try to break the communication lockdown.

He knew his brothers cared about each other, but it was like they were deliberately trying to blame each other.

_They were angry that Splinter left, and wasn't able to save him…we all feel like that…_

It had been nearly 3 months since Splinter passed away, his brothers were still locked up in their mental battle, grieving but not trying to move past it.

Mikey remained in the back ground, helping them without them knowing, doing whatever he could to help.

Mikey had lost his smile, that spark of innocence that once lurked in his eyes, and never played any pranks anymore.

He didn't even touch his game system. He had changed since Splinter passed on, believing it was wrong to be happy, while his brothers were miserable, while Father was gone.

Mikey woke up early one morning, sensing something was wrong.

_Did something blow up?...what woke me up?_

He frowned, reaching down to pet Klunk, who slept and cuddle with him each night.

_Hey Klunk, _he thought, touching his kitten that always lay on the bed beside him. He almost smiled at the feeling of soft fur before his thoughts and his brain connected something was really wrong.

_KLUNK! NO!_

When he touched Klunk, it took him a moment to figure out what was wrong.

_Please No, not you too!_

He sat up, crying out in a choked voice, "NO! Klunk, Please, no, don't leave me too," he said, picking up Klunk gently, cradling him. He felt the tears building up, his heart wrenching apart again, and struggled to hold back his tears.

'_Maybe Donnie or Leo can help.' _Mikey thought as he quickly pulled his blanket back and was about to hurry to one of his brothers rooms. Then he heard a loud CRASH from outside and Raph's drunken voice screaming at Leo.

Mikey hesitated, wincing at the loud angry voices, unsure if he should try.

He could hear Don's angry voice, screaming at Raph, and Leo's voice yelling at Don.

They were all awake, and they were all angry. He glanced down at his kitten, barely a year old.

_I'm so sorry Klunk…I'm so sorry…it's my fault…it has to be my fault…Father died…and now you…_

He cradled him gently, feeling his chest tighten as he tried to contain the sobs. He carefully and gently placed Klunk down, and peeked outside.

_I'll bring you somewhere….somewhere nice…_

Mikey felt the rise of overwhelming guilt building, the pain of it washing over him, his heart seeming to ache even more, making it hard to breathe.

He heard things crashing, and things breaking on the ground, the loud THUNK of something being flipped over, and winced when he heard Raph curse loudly at Don. .

_Geez, will they ever stop?_

Mikey glanced around as he left his room, hearing nothing but silence. He didn't know how to feel, the lair was destroyed again, the third time this month.

_I…I can't leave it like this…Sorry Klunk…It'll take me a few minutes…_

Mikey gently placed his kitten down, making sure he was safe and warm, treating him like china. The tears he tried to surpress fall freely down his cheeks as he cleans his brothers mess.

He returns to his room and wraps Klunk carefully in a light orange blanket he slept on, leaving the lair silently.

_They won't care…Klunk wasn't theirs…he was mine…I loved him…besides they didn't really care what happened to him after Splinter died. _

_Or how he felt….or grieved…or dealt with the nightmares….or even how he was struggling without his medicine…._

He buried Klunk in Central Park and returning home, hiding his anguish, his nightmares even worse now. He was alone fully now.

_Com'n Bro's…can't you see I need you too?_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

2 Months pass: (5 months since Splinter died)

One day, they were all sitting in the large living room, casually hanging out. Leo was cleaning his swords while Raph watched TV, and Don was fiddling with a remote control.

It was actually peaceful for a change.

**Raph's POV**

Raph watched as Mikey tidied up, not really seeing him, but knew he was there. He glanced around for the furball that he usually saw following Mikey around, and noticed he was missing.

_Tha's weird, Klunk nevah goes no where witout Mike…._

Raph suddenly asks, "Hey Mikey, I haven't seen your little fur ball around in awhile, where is he?"

Raph noticed Leo and Donnie glanced over, shock on their faces. _Guess they didn't notice either..._

Leo spoke up, "Yeah Mikey, I'm sorry I didn't notice, but is he okay? Or is he sleeping in your room?"

_Yeah, I already asked tha' _he thought irritated.

Raph watched as Mikey tensed for a moment, silent as he grabbed a wet rag. _Wha' tha' Hell is wrong wit 'im? _Watching as his little brother continued to clean.

"He died," Mikey whispered quietly, his breathing raspy, and hoarse.

_Shit, is he sick...he sounds bad...how come Donnie hasn't seen him yet?_ He thought as he sat up, "Mikey, ya okay?"

**Mikey's POV**

His heart still ached, and he was filled with sadness. A part of him numb and the other part sad. He felt his heart clench at the mention of Klunk's name.

_Figures, now they notice…._ He thought bitterly as he cleaned.

He heard Raph ask, "Whadaya mean he died?"

"He died," Mikey repeated; a sharp inhale made him gasp for a moment, the whistling sound returning for a second. He breathed in once more, catching his breath, as he finished wiping down the televisions.

_Frig, I wish this dust would stop coming...it's hard to breathe around it..._

He saw Raph, Don and Leo frown from his position, sighing, "He died awhile ago."

_Sure, now they notice! It's only when they finally stop fighting, is when they finally notice me! Or Klunk!_

Mikey sighed, frustrated as he reached down, tying up the garbage bag he just filled.

**Don's POV**

_Mikey didn't look good, he was sick, pale, and had deep rings under his eyes. _Don felt a pang of guilt, realizing he hadn't help take care of his baby brother.

Don frowned, when he heard his breathing, now realizing it was making a small whistling sound.

"When did he die?" Don asked concerned.

_Klunk was a big part of Mikey's life, and losing a pet so soon after losing their father would do some mental damage to his little brother._

And looking closely at Mikey, he could see there were huge changes in his little brother, and frowned, his heart aching with guilt as he realized he hadn't spent that much time with his little brother.

"Oh about 2 months ago," came the saddened reply as Mikey turned away picking up the bag of garbage he had gathered up.

Don watched as Mikey left, heading for the kitchen.

Don frowned, realizing that while they had been talking, Mikey had tidied up the living room, cleaned the TVs, coffee table and swept the floor, and they didn't even help.

"Have you've been doing your chores?" Don asks curiously to Raph and Leo.

They shook their heads no.

"What's wrong wit Mikey?" Raph asked Don, more concerned about his little brother. _Something was wrong, and he knew it._

"I think it's exhaustion….it has to be…but…his breathing has me very concerned… we should check him out…" Don said, getting up from the couch.

Leo and Raph nodded, following Don as they walked towards the kitchen. Opening the door, they saw Mikey near the counter, two pots and one frying pan on the stove, and something sizzling in the pan.

_Wow it already smelled good! _Don thought as he walked in. He watched Mikey for a few minutes, observing him, picking up things he was finding disturbing.

_He's extremely pale, and it looks like he lost weight…well, we all have lost weight but his is extreme…his body is trembling, maybe missing nutrients? Maybe low blood sugar…_

_That wheezing is sounding problematic though…how long had he had that?_

_It sounds deep in the lungs… is it his asthma? If so…why didn't he see me? Or get some new inhalers…wait…_

"Dammit," he muttered to himself, closing his eyes as he realized just how intense he had gotten, being so involved with his own pain, he forgot about taking care of his family.

"Donnie…what is it? Why did you swear?" Leo asked, shocked that he had swore, and in front of them. Donnie was usually so well reserved.

Don shook his head, his eyes opening as he looked at Leo, then Raph, "I…I forgot about his prescriptions…I…I think we all did."

Raph and Leo frowned, "Ya mean he don't got no meds for his asthma?" Raph asked, his eyes flashed over to where Mikey worked, concerned.

"Yes… I…I just…forgot," Don said sadly, "Master Splinter is the one who always made sure Mikey had his meds. He just showed me what to do about a month before his died."

"You remember when Master Splinter was really concerned about Mikey. He couldn't work out or anything. Even his herbal medicine wasn't working. He had to try human medicine; it was the only thing that worked…" Don explained, "but when Master Splinter died…I…I was lost in my own world, and got caught up with fighting you guys…"

Mikey whirled around, having heard them talking, eyes flashing in anger, "YOU ALWAYS FIGHT!" he suddenly yelled out, the pan falling back to the stove.

"Mike," Leo started to say, but Mikey's eyes flashed toward him.

"You were too busy, too angry, too pissed. I tried everything to make things better. I cleaned up after you, I fed you, I cleaned the lair and got food! Not one of you would work through your grief enough to even notice me!" Mikey said quietly, his words stinging his brother's hearts.

"Mikey, we're sorry," Don interjected, trying to get through to his little brother.

"I was alone! I was alone with everything, and when Klunk died…you were still fighting! You're always fighting!" Mikey said, tears filling his eyes, his breathing getting worse as he yelled.

"It's not fair! I hate you! But I love you…you're my brothers," Mikey said weakly, turning back to the stove, returning to the food, "but you all blamed yourselves for Splinter's death. It's not right. Splinter wouldn't want that. He would want us to be together…why can't you see that? Why can't you realized that?"

Don moved closer, his heart pounding as he got closer, "Mikey…we know that now…we're talking more…we're not fighting as much. We're sorry."

Mikey laughed bitterly, "Yeah…I saw that today…but knowing my luck, you'll go back to the way you used to be…I'm tired…so tired…" he said, his body trembling again as he struggled to breathe.

Don asked, "Mikey, are you okay?"

Mikey glanced over, his chest heaving slightly, "I…I'm okay Donnie… hurts…to …breathe…that's all…"

"Mikey, please, can I check you over? I think you're really sick…" Don said hopefully, standing nearby.

"I'm fine, I'm almost done cooking, and you guys can eat…just need to add …the meat to the sandwiches …and mash the potatoes…" he said, looking at Don.

"Mikey, please," Don asked once more, "You're are not healthy, I need to look you over. Raph and Leo can do that for lunch, okay?"

Mikey sighed, shoulders slumping, "Fine…" and he turned around, before he started wavering, suddenly dizzy. His eyes rolled up in his head and he collapsed.

"MIKEY!" Don cried out, grabbing his brother before he hit the floor.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Leo's POV

_Oh my God, I can't lose him too!_ Leo thought, rushing over to where Mikey collapsed, hitting his knees as he knelt beside him, "Donnie, is he okay?" he asked frantically.

He placed a shaky hand on Mikey's arm, feeling it cool and clammy, _That's not normal_.

"I don't know Leo, I need to examine him," Don said quickly, immediately dropping to his knees beside Mikey's body, wincing at the breathing his little brother was making, "but his breathing, it sounds really bad…call April for me, tell her I need some medicine and three new inhalers that need to be picked up. Tell her the prescription should be in the system by the time she gets to the store," Don said, as he checked Mikey's vitals.

"Right, I got it," Leo said, his mind still blazing with panic and fear, while he calmly reached up to the stove, turning off the power. He heard Don bark to Raph, "Pick him up and bring him to the infirmary."

Leo paced in the kitchen a moment as he frantically called April. The phone rang twice before April answered.

"April, thank God, I…we…I mean, Mikey..he needs some medicine," he said frantically.

"Well, it's about time you noticed he was getting sick," April said in a scolding tone.

"You knew he was sick?" Leo said, shocked, "Why didn't you tell us!"

"I did tell you! I told you right to your face the other day when I dropped off those groceries. You said you'd take care of it!" April countered angrily, "Don't you try to blame this on me! I have been bugging you guys for months to help Mikey! He's the only one doing anything to keep you going and you all ignore him!" she said ranting, finally saying the words she wanted to say for months.

"What! That's not true," Leo said, arguing back when suddenly the phone was taken from his grasp, and he glanced over, seeing Donnie talking firmly into the phone.

"April, it's Donnie. I know you're mad, but listen, Mikey needs this medicine as soon as possible. He just collapsed and his breathing his very strained. I already put the prescription in and paid for the meds online," Don said rapidly, his voice fading away as Leo stood in the kitchen.

Leo blinked, shocked at how fast the moment past, before he scrambled after Don, and managed to April's voice asking something over the speaker phone.

Then hearing Don say, "—no, it's too congested…it may be bronchitis or pneumonia. The only thing that may help is the inhalers that contains strong antibiotics or a special blend of antibiotics."

"What about Mikey's immune system? It already has a hard time trying to use stronger medicine. You know how hard it is on your systems," April asked worriedly.

"I know that April, but I don't have access to the equipment I would need since it seems to have developed into pneumonia. I can just make do with what I have now, and pray it doesn't get worse," Don said, frustrated, rubbing his forehead, "I just wish he told me before it got so bad."

"Donatello! He did tell you! Three weeks ago. I even phoned after you blew him off and kicked him out of your lab! I told you he came to me worried about his meds. You said he was a big boy and could deal with it himself!" April yelled scathingly, "I know you all are going through a hard time with Splinter's death, but you should damn well know, that Mikey worked hard to keep you all going!"

"But it was at the cost of his health!" Don said, waving his arms. Leo watched shocked as they argued with each other on the phone.

"So what! He saw the same thing you did! He witnessed his father's death! He felt like he failed also and he felt the same pain you felt! He didn't want anyone in his family to get sick from no food or an unhealthy place. He cooked, cleaned and took care of you, and not one of you noticed," April said angrily, her voice stern but filled with pain.

"April, Mikey didn't think things throu-" but April cut him off, "Don't even go there Donatello. I will be down there with medicine for Mikey, I'm outside the store. We will have some words when I get there."

There was a sudden dial tone ringing through the air….and Don sighed, sitting down heavily on the armchair in the living room.

"Is he that bad Don?" Leo asked, walking over, and sitting down beside him.

"He's pretty bad, but I'm pretty sure I can counter it with some strong meds and bed rest," Don said tiredly, giving Leo a weak smile.

"It…sounds bad Donnie…we aren't going to lose him, are we?" Leo asked, his heart aching as he saw the fear in Donnie's eyes.

"I don't think so…I think he just needs rest …from what April told me, and what I can see here and now, Mikey needs his medicine," Don said as he stood up, "Com'n, let's go check on him."

Leo nodded, standing beside his brother, still scared, but his fear abated a bit from Don's reassurances.

He followed Don into the infirmary, eyes watching Mikey breathing through an oxygen mask, covered by a quilt. His eyes were closed and had deep bags under his eyes. His eyes widened as he really saw just how skinny Mikey was, compared to Raph, who stood near the bed.

"Wow…he really lost a lot of weight…how much do you figure he lost Raph?" He asked as he walked over, taking Mikey's other hand, being carefully not to touch the IV needle in the top of the palm.

"Probably 'bout 3o pounds or so," Raph said gruffly, looking at Donnie, "He keeps shivering Donnie…or tremblin'…I ain't sure. It hasn't stopped."

Leo frowned at the words, noticing what Raph was talking about. Mikey's whole body was trembling…underlining shaking along his body. His radar grew in intensity, "Don, what is it?"

"Relax guys, I noticed it earlier and took some blood. I'm waiting for the test results, but I believe it's from a lack of vitamins and nutrients," Don explained, "I think he just wasn't eating enough portions of the foods he made."

"Oh…okay," Leo said sheepishly, "It's just…he looks pretty bad Don, his breathing sounds so….bad…like he's dying or something.'

"DON'T SAY THA'," Raph snapped angrily, "He ain't dyin' Leo, don'tcha eva' say that."

"Sorry Raph," cringing in sympathy, knowing he head struck a nerve with his hot-headed brother.

* * *

><p>Raph's POV:<p>

He growled angrily, his other fist clenching painfully. The pain helped him concentrate, and he glanced over, breathing out slowly, "I'm sorry Leo. I jist…worried ya know."

Raph looked up at Leo, and sighed, seeing his punched in the gut look on Leo's face. "He's gonna be a'ight, Donnie can fix him, and he's gonna be a'ight..." glancing at the mask over Mikey's face.

Leo sighed, "This is my fault. I should have taken care of him…he was taking care of us."

Raph bristled angrily, turning towards Leo, "Shut up Leo! Dis here is all of our faults," he said angrily, "We got so lost in ourselves and our damn pain, that we forgot about everything….and eachother…"

He glanced at Mikey, feeling the sorrow and guilt build up as he touched Mikey's cheek gently.

Mikey let out a weak cough, murmuring hoarsely, "Father," before turning his head to the side, still unconscious.

Raph bit his lip, trying to control his emotions, and the pang of guilt that built when he heard Mikey's whispered word.

"Don…y…ya got t'is?" he asked, glancing up, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"Yeah, but I have to meet April topside, she called to say she managed to get a new tank but couldn't carry it," Don told him.

"I'll git it," he said gruffly, trying to hide how upset he was.

"Are you sure?" Don asked gently, "I mean…you look pretty upse—" but Raph grew angry and said, "Of course I'm angry! Look at 'im! T'is is our baby brother! He can't breathe! I'll go help April…I…I jist need ta do sumthin', 'kay?"

Don nodded numbly at him, and Raph cast one last glance at Mikey, then Don, feeling a surge of guilt for snapping at Don. "I'll be back… soon… sorry Don…ya know…for snappin'."

Don just nodded, quietly saying, "It's okay Raph, I understand…hurry back and be safe."

Raph nodded, grabbing his sai's off the nearby table where he had dropped them when Mikey collapsed earlier. He headed for the exit, his mind on a mission to help his baby brother.

Yanking the entrance door open, he broke out into a brisk run, his feet slapping the sewer floor easily, pushing himself as fast as he could, ignoring the cold nip in the air. Adrenaline pumped through his muscles, his blood sang as he ran, trying to forget the feelings of guilt.

_I'm sorry Mike…I…I use 'ta be there…every nightmare…every time ya got hurt…and now…me…all of us…we caused ya pain…I'm sorry…_

He didn't know how fast it took him, but it seemed that time went by too fast, when he made it to the ladder under the pharmacy April was at.

_Well, let's git this show on tha road_ he thought as he climbed up, his hand gripping the metal rungs tightly, trying to hurry. It was cold topside, and he was vaguely surprised to see it was snowing lightly. _Wow, it's winter already?_

He nudged the sewer cover over gently, ensuring it didn't make a sound as he saw April walk over. Her red hair flying around in the wind, and he glanced up, "Hey Ape, where's tha' tank?" he asked quickly.

April pointed to the tank by the back door, and Raph quickly climbed out, shivering in the wind as he grabbed it. April started climbing down the ladder, and waited for him, as he quickly lugged the tank with him. It was a challenge to bring the tank in, and pull the sewer cover back on, but he managed it.

He was quiet as he walked beside April, hearing the small slaps of plastic against the sewer floor, and glanced down. He saw April was wearing galoshes, and smirked, "Fancy footwork there Ape," nodding his head toward her shoes.

"Thanks Raph…how's Mikey," April asked him gently.

"Donnie's got him in the infirmary, and he's still outta it," Raph said with a deep sigh, "I jist wish the nutball hadn't got 'imself so sick."

April snapped at him, grabbing his arm as he was yanked to a stop, "He didn't make himself sick, there's a difference! He was working to help you, and had no access to his meds. That wasn't his fault. He even thought about stealing it, but knew he couldn't. Don't you dare try to blame him!"

Raph's eyes widened at the reprimand, "Sorry April, I didn't mean it like tha'. It's…it's jist hard ta see him strugglin' ta breathe…ya know…reminded me of when he had tha' big asthma attack when Sensei died.."

"I know Raph…I'm sorry. I'm just a little high strung you know. Mikey had been coming by twice a week to get food or other supplies. I saw him more than I ever saw you guys in the last 5 months," April said sadly.

Raph frowned, feeling the familiar twinge of pain and guilt, "I'm sorry April," not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah…I know you are…that's what makes me so angry and hurt…" she muttered angrily, walking away.

Raph stood there, feeling a surge of disappointment and anger building, but he directed it at himself. He knew he was at blame, and knew for sure that it was his fault as well, that Mikey ended up so sick.

Sighing, he quietly followed, seeing April was already in the Infirmary talking with Donnie. He caught part of the conversation, listening intently as he put the tank down nearby.

"-with breathing properly. I'm worried though, his blood sugar is pretty low… I wish I knew he was so sick, before it got so bad," Don muttered to himself as he adjusted Mikey's mask and attached the oxygen mask.

April sighed, "Don, just let it go for now. It does no good wishing right now. Just help him, that's all you can do."

Don sighed, tinkering with the attachments, and grabbing some rubber string, tying it around Mikey's right arm. He waited for the vein to pop, and inserted another I.V. line, connecting it to a mix of antibiotics, checking the other line in Mikey's hand that Leo held, seeing the electrolyte solution was still working.

"Will tha' help 'im Donnie?" Raph asked as he watched, feeling useless.

"It should…but we might have to give him a ice bath later if his fever doesn't go down," Don explain, his brow furrowed with worry, taking off the rubber band.

Raph sighed, "So what shall we do now? Jist wait?" before plopping down on a nearby chair, staring at Mikey, "He's so pale…and it gotta be bad…wha' he got?"

"He is pretty bad," Donnie admitted, "But he's strong. He'll get better once he wakes up. We just need to monitor his fever and try to help him when he gets better."

Raph frowned, sensing Don didn't tell him the truth, "Wha' he got?" he asked again, feeling a surge of irritation building.

"He's going to be okay Raph, it's...just a really bad cold," Don said, knowing Raph would be terrified about it. Raph himself had nearly died from pneumonia when he was younger.

Raph stood up, "Donnie, tell me tha' truth! Wha' he got!" as he stormed over, glaring as Leo jumped up, holding him back before advancing on Don.

"He has Pneumonia Raph, okay…he has pneumonia …" Don cried out, stepping back.

"Pneumonia!" Raph said weakly, remembering the bits and pieces that he himself heard about it when he had it, stammering, "But…but…tha…he…he could die from tha!"

_Oh God! Mikey could die! He can't…we already lost Master Splinter…god…we even lost Klunk…I…this can't be happening…._

He didn't even realize he was being tugged, lost in the haze of his own thought as he was pulled closer to Mikey. He gazed down at him, cringing at the raspy breathing.

His heart caught in his chest at the sight, staring at him, before something made him look up, actually moving his head away from Mikey. Painful memories of his own sickness flashed through his brain.

It was Leo who was talking to him but he couldn't hear the words. It was like Leo's voice wasn't working at all. He could see his mouth moving.

Finally he felt a sharp pinch on his arm and he yelped, drawing his arm away, focusing on the offender, "Wha' da hell ya do tha' for?" he scowled, rubbing his arm.

"So you would focus Raph," Don said sharply, "Mikey's going to be fine. He's sick…really sick, but if we are careful, we can make him better."

Raph stared at Don blankly, feeling another surge of guilt building within him before his shoulders sagged, "Sorry Donnie…jist tell em wha' I can do ta help, okay?"

Don nodded, "I'm going to need you nearby to carry him if we have to bathe him, but right now, we need to monitor him," he said, checking Mikey's vitals.

The hours slowly blurred together as the brothers helped each other and Mikey. They took turns bathing him in cool water, their hearts cringing with each heartbreaking cry. Wincing as harsh coughs overtook the younger turtle, making his raspy gasps for breathe sounding worse.

They were exhausted early the next morning, the oxygen mask back on Mikey's face as they sat down all around. "Don…is he getting worse?" Leo asked, his voice drooping with exhaustion.

Don didn't even try to hide his own exhaustion as he replied in a deadened tone, "Yes, his fevers keep spiking despite our attempts to relieve it and the meds aren't working at getting rid of the infection…maybe if I put in some immune boosters to go with the antibiotics, it would help," he murmured tiredly.

"How long would that take?" Raph asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"I don't know…I haven't had time to research it…and things are blurry right now," Don said with a yawn, "I never slept the night before…and then Mikey..and now…I'm exhausted…if we can just keep his temperature stable long enough for me to get some rest and then put something together, then we might have a chance."

"Can Leatherhead help? Or April?" Leo asked, clearly worried.

"Maybe…but Leatherhead hasn't been home for quite some time. I think he went to visit Mortu or something," Don replied tiredly, "I left a few messages last week. April…can get me the meds and might be able to put something together…but Mikey's allergic…well, we all are, allergic to a compound in most general antibiotics. It's why I'm so careful."

"What does that mean?" Raph said gruffly, chugging his coffee as he scowled at the table, yawing.

"It means that I can't just give him any antibiotics. It's why I have so many types. I have made you all your own saline and antibiotic pouches…I finished yours and Leo's, Raph," Don explained, "but Mikey's is giving me some trouble. It's the same kind of trouble like his asthma meds."

"He's allergic to something," Leo concluded, figuring out the problem.

"Yes, but to what, I am still testing, which is why the antibiotics right now, aren't helping. They aren't the right blend." Don said, taking a drink of his cooling coffee.

"Get some sleep genius, we need ya later," Raph said, standing up stretching, "Leo, ya want first, or should I?"

Leo shrugged, "Either is fine, I'm not tired yet, I'll take first, then Raph can relieve me in 2 hours. That'll give you 4 hours of un-interrupted sleep Donnie, take it. Raph's right, we might need you later if there is an emergency."

Don nodded, before staggering off to his room, falling asleep instantly as his head hit his soft pillow.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for Amonrapheonix for helping me with this chapter and for kicking my butt into doing it. I will be updating Blue Eyes and Hidden Betrayals this week! Promises!

If anyone else wants to kick my butt into writing, please lemme know! Thankies and enjoy!

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><p>Raph's POV<p>

Raph frowned as Don come closer, his arms filled with flexible plastic tubing in bags and other medical supplies.

Raph felt his eyes widening in shock as April wheeled over the ventilator machine. Leo felt out of place, like he was there, but not really, watching as if he wasn't there.

"Wha' ya guys doin'?" He asked nervously, casting a quick glance down at a dazed Mikey, who still laid panting in his arms.

Mikey watched them warily through his partial opened eye lids. His painful wheezing self evident as he labored to breathe. Mikey was clearly beyond exhausted as he struggled to put the oxygen mask back in place.

Raph smiled at Mikey weakly. He reached over and placed the mask back over Mikey's beak gently; making sure it was on properly in place.

"Mikey needs to be intubated," Don said as he started to explain the procedure quietly to his brothers but Raph interrupted him.

"Ain't ya gonna sedate 'im?" Raph asked with concern as Leo's eyes strayed back his baby brother.

Don shook his head sadly, "I can't Raph…Mikey…he's too sick to handle the meds that I could use to knock him out…I don't have access to the ones I could use on him. An even if I did I wouldn't dare use them. He could go into cardiac arrest and die."

"So ya jist gonna do it when he's awake and aware?" Raph's voice got higher, more panicked, as his eyes darted between Don and April, before his smoldering eyes focused on Leo's.

"Ya jist gonna sit by and let them do t'is to Mikey!" Raph snarled at his older brother, while unconsciously wrapping his arms tighter around Mikey, hugging him closer to his plastron.

"I have no choice Raph…he needs help…he's struggling to breathe…can't you see he's dying in front of us..." Leo's voice was soft as he continued, "if Don can save him by doing this... I'm going to allow it," Leo choked out, his voice cracking with emotion, "And you will either help us or get out." Leo growled sternly, as he glared at Raph, daring him to defy his orders.

Raph looked conflicted and angry for a moment. He opened his mouth to argue back. But seeing Mikey's eyes filled with pain and the obvious way he was gasping for each breath, he knew he had to help. He couldn't abandon his baby bro when he needed him.

"Jist tell me wha' ta do!" He conceded gruffly as he gently laid Mikey back on the bed and held his hand instead.

Don nodded gratefully at his older brothers, determined more than ever to save Mikey.

* * *

><p>Leo's POV<p>

Leo cringed as he remembered Mikey's terrified, hoarse screams as he was held down forcefully. Mikey probably didn't even know what was going on at the time.

_I'm sorry Mikey…I'm so sorry…_

For all Leo knew Mikey could have thought he was captured by Bishop and put through one of his experiments with scorching fever he had. Leo shuddered, cursing their mutation and how hard it was to find medicine that worked with their physiology.

Leo collapsed to the ground, breathing heavily as he tried to quell the urge to cry or laugh hysterically.

He stared at the dojo, his heart aching in his chest as he tried to suppress the need to cry. _**I feel like I'm failing at everything Father…help me…no… help him…he needs you sensei…help us…**_

Leo fell to his knees, his shoulders slumping as he finally gave into his emotions, scared and terrified that their family would lose another member.

He cried.

* * *

><p>Mikey's POV<p>

_Wha'…going…on? Why they…what…._

Mikey's eyes were barely opened, his body heaving as he struggled to breathe. It was like something heavy was on his chest, preventing him from breathing.

_It hurt, like he was dying. Was he dying?_

Maybe …I…see Splinter…Klunk… he thought grimly as he felt the oxygen in the mask increase. But it was harder, like his throat was closing…

_Like…b…breathing…through…straw…so tired…_

He was tired…and hated seeing his brothers…so scared…

Suddenly Leo and Raph…they were beside him. He flinched as he felt their cool hands touch his burning skin, flinching in both fear and how cool their touch was.

_They're hands are so cold…its kinda nice…._

Mikey's eyes opened wider, as he caught sight of red hair…

_April is here…why?_

He tried to concentrate, catching a few words here and there, trying to hear past his ragged breathing.

_Leo…Raphie...w…what…goin…on?_ He thought vaguely as he felt hands on different spots on his body, pinning him to the bed. He tensed up, his breathing increasing in sudden panic.

_Why are they holding me down, _Mikey thought suddenly terrified as he tried to move his heavy limbs, his lungs starting to burn as he started panting harder, eyes wide with sudden fear.

"-ikey…d…pa..ic…helps…bre…" He frowned, catching bit and parts of words and that Donnie's mouth was moving but sound kept flickering out.

Suddenly it was like he couldn't breathe at all.

He gasped; his throat feeling like a hand was suddenly wrapped around it as he struggled to breathe in.

Gasping and wheezing as he tried pulling himself up.

_HELP ME! I…I can't breathe…_ he thought as he struggled to inhale.

He could hear a loud beeping noise, loud yelling words that were blurred together and suddenly he was being pinned down harder as his head was gently tilted back.

_What are you doing?_ He thought weakly, trying to struggle against his brothers hands pinning him, _Let go, I can't breathe…let go!_

Mikey gathered the little energy he had left to struggle to get free, wheezing pathetically as he tried to push himself up.

_Let go, can't breathe, let go, can't breathe…_

He tensed, struggling and gasping for air, the world was filled with voices and shrill noise, and his tired body was sore and aching.

Mikey wanted nothing more then give in and sleep away his pain.

His mouth was pried open and he tried drawing in air but he couldn't, his throat was swollen shut.

_I can't breathe!_ He thought weakly as his mouth was sprayed with something and he gagged.

_Can't…please…breathe….air…Donnie…_air….Mike could feel his body growing heavier, spots in front of his eyes. He could see Donnie's stern face above his face and he tried getting him to see his eyes.

_Trying to convince to him to stop, to let him up and let him breathe…_But Donnie refused to look at his eyes.

Mikey felt his fear spike, and wondered if these were Bishops or Shredder's trick…or if he was in an alternate time….like when Splinter had been Sliver and evil….were his brothers evil?

_Their eyes aren't red….like when Leo attacked him…._

_Guys…stop…lemme …breathe…_

Tired….

Just as the darkness was closing in on Mikey, something hard was suddenly inserted into his throat and forced downwards burning with intense fire as it went.

Mikey arched his back and struggled as best as he could. He wanted to cry out in pain and beg for his brothers to stop hurting him.

_Wha….aaaahhh…g.. …out….Donnie…pleas) help…_ he screamed silently as this long, thick thing scraped the insides of his throat raw, pushing down steadily further and further.

He thrashed on the bed, voices mingled with each other as he fought against the tube scraping his throat; his throat throbbing in agonizing pain.

Suddenly he felt something pinch his shoulders and his body suddenly relaxed as he continued to fight the thing that was choking him.

"Mikey!" He heard in between the hollering and machine noises around him. His eyes were filled with tears as he struggled to open them, staring up at Donnie in hurtful betrayal of trust.

_Donnie put something down my throat! Can't breathe…take it out…take it out Donnie... I'm dying!_ He thought wildly, his heart racing as little black spots showed in front of his eyes.

"Mikey, just relax. I put a tube in your throat to help you breathe but you need to relax!" He heard from far away as he struggled against the tube not believing his brothers words or advice.

_No…no tube…no…help…ca…can't…please…stop…._

_Hurts….stop…hurts…can't…breathe…Donnie…Leo…help me…Raphie…make it stop…can't…breathe…somebody help me _

He could feel something on his shoulders, shaking him…his eyes slid closed, too tired to keep them open any longer as his heart raced rapidly despite his exhaustion.

He could feel it going faster; His struggling breathing seem to get easier as something was force into his lungs, making them inflate and deflate.

Forcing him to inhale, and then exhale.

_Air…but…I…I'm not…not me…breathing…wha…_

He heard Leo and Donnie saying, "Relax, Mikey, everything is going to be all right."

He heard crying and knew it had to be April sobbing.

He felt himself drifting, still fighting the object in his throat weakly as he was suddenly completely exhausted and found his body failing to stay awake any longer. He collapsed gratefully unconscious.

* * *

><p>Don's POV<p>

Don stared at Mikey's body as it suddenly went limp, his heart racing as he thought he failed.

_Oh God Mikey, please breathe!_ He thought fearfully as he immediately checked Mikey's vitals, and relaxed as he saw the ventilator doing its job, forcing air into Mikey's lungs.

_Thank god he just passed out…._he thought weakly as he double checked the vitals on Mikey.

"Don?" Raph asked shakily, looking pale.

"He's alright now… the… the stress of inserting that… caused him to panic and black out…" Don explained sadly, feeling shaky himself for having caused such terror in his baby brother to make him pass out.

"I…it looked painful." Leo whispered, glancing at Mikey worriedly. He relaxed a little as he watched Mikey's chest raise and fall mechanically in a steady rhythm.

"It was. Wh…when people have this inserted, they are usually unconscious…but he was awake and felt all ofit…which caused him to panic. Thank you for pressing the pressure point to relax his body." Don said, smiling gratefully at his big brother.

Leo nodded. "N..no problem…but will he be alright now?"

Don shrugged, looking helpless, "I…I don't know. He should get better…as long as we can get some medicine for him. I'll make some up tonight after I get some research done on his blood."

Leo looked angry, "You can't guarantee your brother's health, Donatello?" as he stared at his brother, suddenly furious that he couldn't help save his brother and the only one who can, couldn't guarantee his survival.

"Of course not Leo! Michelangelo is in full blown pneumonia in both lungs! If I had access to every kind of medicine out there that he wouldn't be allergic to, then yes, I could maybe guarantee it!"

"Well, we will get you anything you want, just tell us!" Leo hissed, his fists clenched tightly.

They both ignored April and Raph, who were staring in shock. Raph finally stepped forward, glaring at Leo. "Whoa Leo, he's doin' 'is best!" Pushing Leo back slightly.

Leo glared at Raph, shoving him to the side hard, ignoring as he stumbled into something, before falling to the ground. He walked up to Donatello, jabbing a finger hard against Donnie's plastron with each word, "Your best isn't good enough, Donnie!" Leo snarled angrily as he shoved Donnie backwards, "Do you want him to die?"

Don paled in horror, before he felt himself flush with anger, his eyes flashing, "Of course Not! What the hell is wrong with you! I'm trying to save him! I have to find out what kind of medicine that is out there that could heal him and not kill him!"

"That's what we have you for!" Leo yelled out in exasperation.

"NO! I'm doing my best with what I have! I am not a top scientist with a modern fully stocked lab, Leo, nor am I a real doctor! Mikey is sick because we don't have the luxury of being human! That is not my fault! You want to blame him being allergic to human medicine; blame him and his damn body! Not me!" Don screamed out angrily.

Leo felt the anger building and he was about to blow when April spoke quietly, "Leo, this is not the right time for the blame game. Donnie can't help how you guys were created, nor can he help that you are all allergic to most human medicine in varying degrees."

"So who should I blame then?" Leo said scathingly, his fists clenching as he glared at Donnie.

"Blame Mikey for not telling us he was sick! Blame each of us for not noticing he was! Blame Splinter for dying on us when we weren't ready! God dammit, Leo, blame the whole fucking damn world but while you are blaming everyone else for your anger, I'm going to work on saving my baby brother! Get your priorities right!" Don spat out, "Now get out of here until you can remain calm or I swear I will sedate you... I do happen to have the sedatives I created just for you!" Donnie threatened.

Don watched Leo obviously struggle for control, before he finally stormed out with a huff.

Don turned tiredly to April. "How is Mikey vitals, April?"

"Holding steady right now," she said shakily.

"Don?" Raph asked worriedly, "I..is he really tha' bad?"

"You want the cold truth?" Don asked with a sigh, checking Mikey's blood pressure.

Raph didn't hesitate when he nodded.

"He is really bad, Raph. He needs to remain calm, and he needs to give himself time to heal. If I can manage to create the right kind of antibiotics, he will have the chance of fighting the infection off and recover. If I can't... then he could die." Don explained grimly.

Raph nodded, "C..can I sit wit him?"

Don nodded, smiling warmly at Raph, "Of course, keep an eye on him while I go try to make some new medicine for him."

Don smiled as he watched Raph sit down beside Mikey's bed, and lifting one of his limp hot hands; holding it tenderly as he softly murmured encouraging and soothing words to their deathly ill sibling.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks to my beta Amonraphoenix for helping me out. Another Chapter will update in the next few days!

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><p>Chapter 7<p>

Leo's POV

The days seem to trickle slowly as they hovered in and out of the infirmary, only leaving on threat of being put to sleep by Donnie.

April walked into the lair; her usually upbeat face was solemn and slightly pale and tired. She was carrying two bags of groceries with her as she walked in, and saw Leo as he entered the room she was in.

She shoved the bags into his hands, "Hi Leo, here. I'm going to check on Mikey. I want these put away right away," she said, before turning and walking away.

Leo was startled by her abruptness but nodded his head in agreement, "Sure April," he said with a sigh. _She must be still upset with me _as he turned from the living room and started for the kitchen.

Putting the groceries away, he saw it was almost 5 and decided he would make a light supper. _Spaghetti and salad sounds good_ he thought as he started taking out some vegetables and the hamburger.

He focused on his cooking, needing the distraction. _He wished to God that Mikey would wake up and get better, but it was so grim now. Mikey's body is so pale and his breathing is creepy, it scared him. _

_When he gets better…how would he be? _He wondered briefly, not evening moving as he thought about how Mikey was before they discovered how sick he was.

Leo sighed, diligently working hard at preparing supper. He knew they needed to eat and was glad Raph was sticking around the lair. He knew part of it was because he didn't want to leave Mikey.

He just finished draining the spaghetti and turning off the sauce when he suddenly heard Raph screaming Donnie's name, April's voice joined in the cry.

Slamming the pot down, he turned and ran toward the infirmary, eyes widening at the sight of a thrashing and convulsing Mikey. Both April and Donnie were rapidly speaking to eachother while Raph tried holding Mikey down to prevent him from accidently hitting the IV's and various medical devices that he had on him, off.

Leo hurried over, placing his hands on Mikey's legs and pinning them down, grunting as the flailing limbs hit him several times.

"Keep him still guys, we can't let all of these come out…April, help me hold the ventilator in place," Don said, running around to Mikey's head, eyes wide but his face pale and drawn.

"Give 'im somethin' genius! Please!" Raph said, his voice filled with anger and grief.

Leo cast a worried glance at him, seeing he was trembling and shaking. Biting his lip at the sight, he worried for them both. Donnie hadn't even answered Raph.

Mikey's body finally went limp and Leo took his hands off, seeing them shake slightly. He gulped, drawing in a shaky breathe, trying desperately not to cry.

He heard Donnie and April talking to eachother, saying words that terrified him and made his skin crawl. Then he heard a choked whimper behind him. He could hear the terror in that split second whimper and turned around fully, catching a glimpse at his red banded brother.

Leo's eyes flashed with worry when he saw the micro-tremors engulfing Raph's body, understanding what he was feeling as he stared blankly at Mikey's body on the cot.

He moved towards him, not evening saying a word as he pulled his brother into a much needed hug, hearing Raph's choked sob as he tried to contain himself.

"Let it out bro, it's going to be okay. I know it looks dim and scary right now, but he will survive and get better," Leo consoled, pulling Raph away from the sight of Mikey's comatose body.

"H…he…he can't take anymore of those L..leo… h..how c..can it be… a. .alight… h… he's dyin'!" Raph sobbed out, breaking down in Leo's arms.

"I have to believe he'll be fine Raph…because life is too dim to see him gone. He's still alive Raph, and I'll take him anyway I can right now…I would kill to see him pull a prank right now," he said with a sigh, glancing back at Mikey, sighing deeply, "I have to trust and believe he'll be alright. What else could I do?"

Raph was silent for a minute, glancing back at Mikey, then back to Leo, "I…I don't know what ta do Leo…he's…it's like he's one of those brain dead people sensei useta watch on 'is soaps…he ain't even there…'nd it's stupid and crazy 'nd I hate it!"

"Raph, I know it's hard to see but he's getting better. This seizure was just a setback. As bad as it was, it was only a few minutes and Don was right there. Just believe in him…he's so strong Raph, he is," Leo said convincingly, holding Raph's shoulders and looking him deep in the eyes, "Out of all of us, he was able to pull out of his grief to help us survive…even if we didn't know it, he helped Raph. And he's stronger because he kept going. Now we have to learn from his example and be stronger ourselves and keep going. We need to be strong for him because we failed in that part."

Raph's head dropped, his gaze solemn before he raised his head, his eyes a blaze of emotions before he whispered, "I ain't strong Leo…I…I don't know how ta be…"

"Then we'll help eachother! And when Mikey heals and gets better, we'll help him as well," Leo said, a strained smile on his face as he saw Raph take a shaky breathe and nod his head.

"I'll try," Raph whispered to him, a weak smile on his face, that blaze of anger and grief dimming slightly showing a calmer aura.

"Okay, first thing I want you to do is go make some tea and some coffee for Donnie. I'm going to check on Mikey and see what happened. Donnie will need that coffee, and April too," Leo said with a weak chuckle, "They can't live without it!"

"Ya…I can do tha'…" Raph said, needing something simple at the moment to focus on so he can gather his nerves and calm his body down.

Leo nodded, smiling at Raph encouragingly, waving him off towards the kitchen before turning to the infirmary and walking in.

He saw Donnie writing on a clipboard and waited patiently as he wrote down stuff.

Walking over beside Mikey's bed, he lifted up one of Mikey's limp hands, wrapping his own around it. He squeezed lightly, praying that one day he would feel Mikey squeezing back.

Donnie made a small sigh, which made Leo glance up worriedly, "Is he alright?"

Donnie looked surprised to see him and nodded his head quickly, "Oh, yeah, he's fine right now. His vitals are stronger than they have been and even his breathing is slightly better. I'm not sure what made his fever flare that caused the seizure but it had loosened a lot of fluid that was in his lungs loose. Now his breathing is slightly easier," Don said with a smile.

"So he's getting better?" Leo asked, wanting to know for sure.

"Yes…and no," Donnie admitted, sitting down opposite Leo, grasping Mikey's other free hand. He glanced up at Mikey's prone face, than down at his chest, seeing the chest rise forcefully due to the ventilator and then depress as it exited the air.

"How do those two words even go together with Mikey's health Donnie? It's either he's getting better or not…isn't it?" Leo asked perplexed and worried.

"Okay, so the seizure helped loosen up his lungs so he's able to take in air better…his oxygen rate has increased making that a plus," Donnie explained, "but the fact he had a seizure is troublesome. Having one in a coma is a big no-no and can cause complications. April and I did a few tests and they look positive that there was no damage but we won't know more until after he wakes up."

Leo nodded, taking in the words, sighing. He was silent for a few minutes, questions forming in his mind on what he should ask next and finally turned back to Donnie, "Why did he have a seizure?" he finally asked.

Donnie glanced away, biting his lip before admitting, "Mikey's body temperature suddenly rose without us realizing it…he has ice packs around him now which is helping in lowering his temperature," he said, slapping the side of the blanket lightly where it showed a small bulge, "and now has some medicine that should control it now…but I wasn't paying attention," he said with clear guilt in his voice, "I was too busy making the medicine, I overlooked the simplest thing…" he said with a sigh.

Leo frowned, standing up and walking to Don. He placed a hand on Donnie's shoulder, making him look at him, "Donnie, stop this. Yes, you had a small lapse in attention but you made the medicine that he needs. That outweighs that lapse right now…because without the medicine, he would get worse!"

Donnie started shaking his head, eyes wide with self recrimination, "But I should have been paying attention!"

Leo shook his own head, a disapproval look on his face as he answered, "And we should be doing more to help Donnie…Look, we'll feel better if you taught us how to read these machines and check his temperature and whatnot. That way it will always be monitored and you wouldn't tax yourself…we have one overworked turtle, we don't need another. How about it?"

Donnie was silent for a moment, his eyes somewhat faraway as he thought about it, and then he nodded, smiling at Leo, "Yes, I can do that. That would help Leo, thanks."

"No, it's thanks to you and April that is helping Mikey get better," Leo said with a smile. "So he'll be fine now?" Leo asked, wanting clear answers.

"The new batch of medicine I had finished right before he had his seizure should work well and clear up his illness, but we need to monitor him carefully." Donnie explained, "April went out to get a cool blanket which will help a lot."

"Oh…I thought she was still here…I have Raph making her some coffee. Will he wake up soon?" Leo asked, looking hopeful for a positive answer.

"He should be waking up soon. He might be out a little bit longer due to the new medicine, but it's possible he'll be awake by morning," Don said, a thin smile on his face.

Leo nodded, taking a deep breath as he smiled at him, "Thank you Donnie."

"Thank me when I cure him," Don replied with a sigh, rubbing his face, "I need a coffee," and turned towards the door.

At that moment, Raph walked through the door carrying two thermos. The Blue one contained tea while the other contained coffee. On the tray was a few cups and had a bowl of sugar, one with a whitener as well as the honey container.

"Hey Donnie, got your coffee 'ere…" Raph explained, putting the tray down at a nearby table, "Leo, got you tea…wasn't sure what ya liked so I made Sensei's blend."

Leo smiled in thanks, seeing Donnie hurry forward, picking his cup up and inhaling. He chuckled when he heard Donnie whisper, "Mmmmm Coffee," and shook his head.

Raph grabbed his own tea, pouring in some honey and sat down in a nearby chair.

* * *

><p>Don's POV<p>

Donnie sighed, glancing up after a moment of silence and said, "We need to talk guys."

"Is Mikey gonna be okay?" Raph asked him hurriedly, glancing at Mikey in concern.

Don smiled at the obvious show of concern of his hot headed brother. "If he has a chance to heal, than yes, he will heal," Don's eyes flared a second with concern, "but he may have some lasting damage. I won't know till he wakes up and I can assess him."

Raph nodded and the lair was silent for awhile. April returned with the cooling blanket and encouraged them to eat the supper Leo made earlier. Afterwards, she left, giving each of them a hug, and smiling, "He'll get better...just have faith..."

Donnie smiled after her, he was exhausted as well. "What do we have to talk about Donnie?" he heard behind him. Turning around, he sighed, sitting back down, "We need to change things here. I... I don't think I can handle going through this all over again...things were bad when you were gone Leo..." he explained with a sigh.

"How long are you guys going to hold that against me? I didn't mean to stay gone for so long. I was lost...and I needed to learn how to be a better leader..." and Leo laughed bitterly, "some leader I am."

Don shook his head, "Leo, you are a good leader. You're still young and you haven't learned everything. Splinter dying so suddenly..." his voice broke slightly, "Splinter...he wouldn't want us to be like this. There's so much you don't know about us when you were gone, and the things you did learn, you have a disdain for. This all needs to change..."

Raph spoke up, "T'is is because Mikey been doin' it all, eh?"

Donnie nodded, "He has. He was doing those parties for a long time afterwards until Leo said not to. Leo made me quit, and then Splinter...I guess all those times he was sick in the last two years took a toll on his body. When he died, we became lost...and I don't think Mikey...or even us, can handle another crisis..." he explained.

Raph got up, starting to pace, "So wha' ya want us ta do brainaic? We don't got tha smarts for t'is. We can't do wha' you do, and none of us can be a clown like Mikey wuz..."

Leo broke in, "Are you talking about earning money? Or responsibilities in the lair?"

"Both. We all need to earn some money. Mikey's business was lucrative and my job paid well, the money we saved are slowly being burned through. We need to find a way to earn some money as well as desiginate responsibilites in the lair so Mikey doesn't do it all over again. We can't risk this again..." Don turned, glancing at Mikey with sadness, "the cost was just to high."

"He'll get better Donnie, right?" Leo asked once more.

"I don't know if he'll recover fully but he is getting better slowly..." Don said quietly.


	8. Chapter 8

_**I'm baaack! It's been a long trip with me being offline for a bit. Needed a break from my favorite hobby as I entered the world of living again...**_

**_The last few weeks have been hard on me, body and soul...work, life...child...family...all have taken a toll...and I had to take a break..._**

**_Now that I am back, I hope to finish all the stories I ended up putting on hold for a bit...so tonight I update Blue Eyes and Exhaustion, next will be Hidden and Drabbles as well as putting up a new quick story...hopefully..._**

**_I've been inspired by some of my favorite authors lately...Was-Mokie, Brave Chicken, Colonel Duckie, Turtle Babe, Orange Barmy, Life is Like a Bicycle, and Yay Productions as they all wrote Mikey centric ficcies...that I totally loved so Booyah to you and thanks for getting my spirits back up about writing and creating!_**

**_Soooo hope all enjoys!_**

* * *

><p>Ch 8<p>

Two days later, Mikey's finger twitched on the bed, Raph's eyes widened in shock, wondering if what he had seen was true. He stared for a few more moments, watching earnestly if Mikey would move again. Another finger twitched and then the whole hand tightened around his, "Mikey, com'n bro, wake up!" he said quietly, not wanting to be too loud.

Mikey's head moved, the breathing still sounded raspy since he was still on the ventilator.

"DONNIE! He's wakin' up!" Raph yelled out urgently when Mikey's left arm moved up towards the tube in his throat, his body tense as Raph grabbed his arm, preventing him from touching the tube in his throat.

Mikey's eyes slid open, and it took a moment to see since the world was blurry. He could see an outline of someone who had green and red and knew it was Raph.

Frowning, he tried to take a breath but it was suddenly pushed into him and he freaked.

His body tensed as his thoughts raced _What the shell!? Why….why…I…I can't breathe!_ He thought in a panic, his left hand darting upwards to pull out whatever the thing in his throat was.

He could feel it was long and thin, and it pumped air into his lungs. He felt hands on him, holding him down as he kicked and struggled to get free.

_NO! NO! Please, stop!_ He thought frantically, begging for help as the hands held him down. He whimpered, tears building in his eyes as his mind tried to focus and figure out what was going on.

He felt a sharp pinch on his side, right between the plastron and shell and everything focused on one face, the green and purple one that seem to be in front of his eyes. He struggled to make out the words, tears pooling down his cheeks as he tried to pull on the tube.

"M-ey!" he heard his brother say loudly but it didn't make sense. He kept shaking his head, 'NO' and it terrified him.

_**Wha….aaaahhh…g.. …out….Donnie…please help…**_** he screamed silently as this long, thick thing scraped the insides of his throat raw, pushing down steadily further and further…**

He struggled rapidly; his struggle to breathe worsened as the machine breathed into him when he was trying to breathe out. _HELP ME! SOMEONE! HELP ME! RAPHIE! Guys, why aren't you helping me!? I …I can't _ he thought, the panic building again.

Suddenly he felt another familiar pinch on the back of his neck and felt his limbs relax. He felt fear bubbling up as he recalled that happening before.

**Suddenly he felt something pinch his shoulders and his body suddenly relaxed as he continued to fight the thing that was choking him.**

He stared at Donnie, feeling hurt and confused, wondering why they were doing this to him. Mikey felt anger and pain, and he started to close his eyes. A loud sharp clapping noise beside his face made him jump, his eyes opening again in alarm.

"Mikey! Can you hear me?" Donnie said loudly and clearly.

Mikey whimpered, nodding his head slowly, eyes clearly showing his hurt and betrayal that he was feeling.

"Mikey, I'm going to be taking the tube out of your throat now. I want you to cough hard when I start pulling it. It's going to scratch your throat and will hurt slightly but if you cough, it won't hurt as much. Do you understand?" Donnie asked him worriedly.

_Why do they want to hurt me more?_

Mikey nodded his head, wanting to talk, to ask questions but he felt Don's cool hands on his face. He couldn't help but flinch as he felt the tape being gently pulled off. He jerked his head away, wincing.

"I'm sorry Mikey, just a few more," Don said to him gently.

Mikey felt a tear slip free as the tape was finally pulled off his sensitive skin. He watched warily as Donnie nodded to someone, telling them to turn it off, and turn to him, "Cough Mikey," and Mikey forced himself to cough.

_IT HURTS!_ He thought as he coughed out; a scream leaving him as the long thin tube scraped the insides of his throat again. He tried to struggle, to yank himself away, but the hands on his shoulders and the pinch from earlier made him unable to move.

Tears poured down his cheek as he felt the tube leave his mouth, coughing hard and long as Don lifted him up. He could hear his brother's voices all around him but he couldn't focus anymore.

The pain of coughing and the sense that his brothers had betrayed him, made him crave the darkness he had been in before so he closed his eyes and drifted asleep.

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Donnie sighed as he sat back, staring at Mikey with sadness on his face. He had seen the betrayed look on Mikey's face and knew that he was hurt that they had done caused him pain.

Mikey was still pale but he was breathing on his own now. Donnie frowned at the still raspy sound of his breathing and wondered if there would be permanent damage to the lungs. He prayed that there wouldn't be lasting damage but with the two seizures and the fact the lungs were so weakened in the last few weeks, he knew there had to be. _It was bad enough Mikey had Asthma_ he thought with a sigh.

"I'm sorry Mikey," he whispered, not knowing Leo and Raph both heard him as he checked Mikey's vitals.

Raph spoke up first, "Why ya saying sorry Donnie? Ya ain't done nothin' wrong," he asked, perplexed and confused as he looked at Mikey.

Donnie sighed, checking Mikey's vitals, "He looked pretty upset Raph. He blames us," before he glanced up, his brown eyes filled with sorrow, "and it's true. If I had never forgotten about his meds, then maybe he wouldn't have gotten so sick."

Raph shook his head, jumping to his feet as he walked over, "No Donnie. Yer doin' all ya can ta help 'im now. Mikey ain't stupid Donnie…but he was grieving jist like us…he got lost."

"But he's so sick…Raph…this sickness is going to affect him for the rest of his life. His lungs are scarred, his breathing is worse…I…I don't even know if I can allow him to practice anymore, let alone what mental damage he sustained from the seizures," Don said weakly, his voice shaking as spoke.

Raph smiled weakly, "So the goofball can't practice for awhile. He'll enjoy it da time off…" before his smile faded in worry, "Wha' ya mean by mental damage?"

Donnie bit his lip, cursing himself inwardly that he let that slip. "Well, he had some pretty bad seizures…and sometimes that might cause some damage."

"When will you know?" Leo asked concerned.

"When he wakes up, then I can assess him. I'm praying we get some luck because we need some," Donnie said sadly.

"Tha' we do," Raph said, glancing at his little brother.

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Three hours later:

A finger twitched on the bed and a moan left his mouth as he struggled to wake. He wondered what was on his chest that was making it so hard to breathe. He whimpered as he breath in, his throat throbbing with pain as he inhaled.

He frowned as he felt the mask on around his mouth, confused on what had happened. Memories slowly filtered through his brain as he recalled yelling at his brothers, then nothing….

_What happened?_ He wondered, confused.

"Mikey, can you open your eyes?" he heard Donnie ask him.

Mikey shook his head, a small shake that was barely decipherable, too tired to even try to accomplish that task. _Tired…_ he thought, wishing they could hear him.

"Mikey?" he heard his name called again. _Leo?_

"Wake up ya nutball," he heard as a hand touched his arm. _Raph…man…_

Mikey tried again, inhaling deeply only to break into coughs. He felt hands prop him up, a cool glass against his lips as the coughing stopped. _Water…_ he thought, his eyes blinking open…

He gasped as the water made his throat burn but he continued to gulp it down eager for more. He whimpered as it was pulled away, hurt and confused. _Why no more water?_ He wondered weakly as he tried moving closer.

"Sorry Mikey, but you need to go slow or you'll throw up. We don't want that to happen, okay?" Donnie said quietly.

_Oh…okay…I guess…_ Mikey thought, staring at him worriedly.

"Mikey, do you know where you are?" Donnie asked.

"L…lair…" he whispered hoarsely, tears coming to his eyes at the pain of talking.

"Yes Mikey, we're actually in the infirmary…" Donnie said calmly, allowing him to have another drink before he asked, "Do you remember what happened?"

Mikey's thoughts were muddled and it hurt to concentrate. Snippits of memories came to mind as he recalled Splinter passing away, than Klunk's. "A…alone…" he whispered, tears flowing down his cheeks as he recalled the aching lonliness he had been feeling for so long.

"No, you aren't alone anymore Mikey. We are right here. We're going to help you, I swear," Donnie said earnestly.

Mikey caught sight of his other two brothers, looking sorry and depressed and Mikey laughed, choking on it for a minute as he gasped for air. He was lifted slightly as he was able to breathe in more deeply.

It took him a minute but the anger was burning through his body as he finally managed to spit out, "Lies!"

Leo looked hurt at his words, shock on his face, "We aren't lying Mikey. We promise, this time around, you won't be alone."

Mikey's heart started to race as he panted, staring at his brothers as more snippits of memories came to mind.

_Being held down_

_Choking_

_Something forced into his mouth_

_Being paralyzed_

_Betrayed…_

He grew agitated at their hands on him, struggling to get free as his fear and anger built. His whole body was trembling as he struggled to break away from them.

"Mikey, stop! You're making yourself sick!" Donnie said, pushing him back down on the bed.

"NO!" Mikey screamed, "No, no no no no," he said before a coughing fit stole his air away, gasping for air as his throat slowly closed.

_Suffocating…need air…. Need…air…_ he thought weakly as he was pressed back down on the bed, a mask forced on his face.

_Can't breathe…_ he thought weakly as Donnie looked scared and yelling at the others.

Mikey felt his head being tilted as the world started turning dim…

_**The mask was torn away…**_

_**His mouth was forced open…**_

_**Something was being forced down his closed throat…**_

_**It hurt….**_

He gasped for air…and managed a breath before he fell limp; the darkness soon engulfed his exhausted form.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Donnie's hand shook as he stepped back, worry on his face as he checked Mikey's vitals.

"Donnie, what happened?" Leo asked worriedly as he glanced at Mikey's pale and shaking form.

"He…couldn't breathe," Donnie said slowly, confused, "his throat closed up again… but this time it was panicked induced…"

"Was it 'is asthma?" Raph asked with a frown, "'cause we could get 'im those inhalers of 'is."

Donnie bit his lip, "Guys…Mikey's inhalers are a specialty made product. They cost quite a lot…"

"You buy them?" Raph asked surprised, eyes widened.

Don sighed, sitting back down as he dug through the drawer beside him, "I buy the ingredients and the cases guys…it's a lot cheaper than having them made by the one who dispenses them."

"How much does it cost Donnie, and do we have the funds to pay for it?" Leo asked worriedly, glancing at Mikey with a sad look.

"Mikey's has made a lot of money lately. I didn't know he gave April nearly half of all the money he made for himself to save. Apparently Mikey's money has been keeping us going for months…possibly a few more months," Donnie said, showing the figures to his brothers, "Mikey's been skipping his medicine to keep the family going, as well as he started working once a week for daily food."

"Work? As what?" Raph asked incredulously, "He didn't do another birthday party, did he?"

"No, April hired him to do inventory of her store and various maintenance of the store," Don explained, "and April managed to get insurance for Mikey's meds which is surprising because they never met Mikey but April vouched for him."

"So why didn't he get his meds?" Leo asked, "if he had medical coverage, couldn't the insurance cover it?"

Donnie shook his head, "Currently, the only one doing this special blend of medicine is a Dr. Don Hamato," he said as he smiled, "and only I can create them."

"And write da prescriptions…" Raph said, shaking his head in disbelief, "ya became a doc on paper jist ta get Mikey's meds legitimately but ya forgot ta write da prescription out so ya can get da ingredients."

"You got it in one," Donnie said sighing, "Mikey usually needs to remind me about his prescriptions since I often forget what day it is. Since Mikey didn't let me know, I just plain forgot."

"Wait, when did you become a doctor?" Leo asked, confused.

"When you were on your sabbatical, I just took the next step to becoming a certified doctor. With Master Splinter being so sick and Mikey's asthma," Donnie said shaking his head, "but it's stupid. I failed saving Splinter and I don't know enough to help Mikey heal entirely."

"But you can prescribe that particular brand of medicine and manufacture it here…that's what those bigger machines are, aren't they!?" Leo asked, eyes widening as if he solved a deep mystery, deeply impressed.

"He even got a certificate in da mail once to," Raph butted in smirking.

Donnie's face turned red at the news, "It's not a big deal Raph!"

"What did you get a certificate for?" Leo questioned curiously, turning and smiling as he noticed the red hue on Donnie's face.

"Nothing special, just a new type of medicine that helps asthma attacks, that's all," Donnie said blushing.

"Is is special Donnie. Ya gotta stop sellin' yaself short. Master Splinter wuz proud of ya for it. Ya gotta realize tha'" Raph said, glaring at Donnie.

"Well, it didn't save him," Donnie said bitterly, tossing the clipboard in his hands on the nearby desk before his eyes found Mikey again, "Or cure him of his asthma or stop him from getting sicker…"

Suddenly a series of beeping noises came from the monitor that was watching Mikey's vitals. "What the heck?" Donnie muttered, walking over quickly.

"What's going on?" Leo asked worriedly, gripping Mikey's cool limp hand.

"I'm not sure, his blood pressure is high…" Donnie said, checking the computer when Mikey's limbs started convulsing.

"MIKEY!" Raph cried out, his eyes wide with a panic as he ran to help hold him down.

"Be careful guys, strap him down," Donnie said, yanking the straps free as Mikey's body was all over the bed.

"What's going on Donnie?" Leo asked as he pulled the straps over Mikey's legs, pinning them to the bed.

"I'm not sure! Mikey's blood pressure rose but his pulse is absolutely skyrocketing! Give me a second!" Donnie said as he hurried to his bench, quickly finding medicine he needed.

He filled the syringe and tapped out the air before injecting it into his brother, biting his lip as he waited for the seizure to abate.

With their shoulders lessening with happiness as Mikey's limbs slowed their moving around and his eyes opening blearily, they quickly moved to the bed.

"Mikey, it's Donnie. Look, we're unstrapping you," Donnie explained as he started undoing the wraps, "you had a seizure…can you tell me your name?"

"M…M'key," he mumbled through a dry throat.

"Okay Mikey, what about my name? Can you tell me my name?" Donnie asked as he tapped Mikey's cheek, trying to help him focus.

"D…d…" Mikey stumbled, shaking his head slightly as he tried clearing it, "damn…" and his eyes slid shut and his body fell limp.

Donnie's head dropped with anger and sadness. Leo and Raph watched with bated breathe, unsure of what to do next.

Just as Raph spoke gruffly Donnie's name, Donnie just exploded with anger, one arm shoving all his work off the one small side table of the bed, before he punched the metal chest where he housed all his medicines.

"Woah, Don, calm down!" Leo commanded, eyes wide. It was rare to see an angry Donnie.

"THIS IS OUR FAULT! DAMMIT! THIS IS OUR FAULT!" he screamed angrily, just wanting to destroy everything in front of him, his distress growing at the sight of his baby brother's ill form.

Raph moved with a fast speed, engulfing Donnie in a tight hug, "I know bro...I know..." he whispered into his ear, ignoring Donnie's choked sobbing.

Leo was shocked by how close Donnie and Raph were, feeling oddly out of place. He wasn't sure how to help but he knew he wouldn't be able to...this was something only Raph could help with...and he was sorely out of place.

Leo retreated, walking back to where Splinter's room was, stepping inside. This was the first time he entered since their father had passed away and the faint smell of Jasmine and Sandlewood was still in the air.

He could almost feel Splinter's presence as he walked in, walking to his familiar place where he would sit when talking with Splinter. _Father..._ he thought, his heart panging painfully as he lit a candle, placing it in front of him.

He bowed his head, his voice low and wavering, "I'm sorry father...for being so lost for so long..." he whispered, ashamed of himself, "Things have been hard... especially as of late. We are so broken...but we are trying to mend the pain... Donnie is so brilliant and I have not appreciated all he had done for us...it makes me ashamed to say this...but we have not given as much appreciation to our brothers lately..."

He paused, his eyes strangely glowing, "I know a way to fix this...but it means finally accepting that you are gone...that you cannot lead me...or guide me any longer...except for the knowledge you once shared...it is now up to myself and with help from my brothers and friends...that I step back up...instead of stepping back..." he said, his voice filled with passion and hope.

"Father...I love you...and we will honor you...but first...we will have to leave the path of ninjas aside...and become a family firmly cemented together and stronger and healthier...Peace be with you Father...and continue to guide me...for I shall always hope that you watching us..."

Leo smiled sadly as he blew out the candle he had lit earlier, somehow feeling as if he was at peace for a change and the painful pang of guilt and shame was gone.

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He walked out, seeing Donnie's head sleeping on Raph's lap, and smiled sadly. He went to the kitchen, grabbing the plates of sandwiches he found in the fridge already made.

"April must have made them ahead of time..." he said to himself, seeing it was their favorite blend of food. He carried the plate, bringing it to the livingroom with some Powerade for all of them. He had grabbed himself a sandwich as well and a cup of tea.

"Raph..." he said, handing the food to him, "We need to talk..." he said slowly, "but...please...don't get upset...it's just a talk."

Raph watched him warily, a little tense but nodded his head, "A'ight Leo...go ahead..."

Leo smiled unsure, "I'm sorry Raph...when... when I left... I was so full of myself. I was to be a leader... but had no idea that by leaving...I left being a leader... instead ... I was just in charge of myself. I lead no one...made no decisions... just basically... lived my life..." he said with a small frown, "It took me a long time to understand the lesson Splinter was trying to give me...and that was without family...without my brothers... I was no one."

Raph continued to listen, eating quietly, understanding Leo was trying to make sense of his journey.

"When I returned, I tried to make things right...to make it seem like I was a leader, that I did matter... that by leading, I can find my place in the family again... I stopped Donnie's job and Mikey's, banned you from being Nightwatcher, even put Splinter on a healthier diet and revised the schedule for practice...I thought all the things I did...what was a leader did...so I did it...but I was wrong...wasn't I?" Leo asked Raph with a sigh.

Raph nodded, "Yeah...ya were...ya were so into bein' a friggin' leader, ya never thought ta be a brother! Ya should have clued in when Mikey tole ya he was havin' nightmares...and all ya did was shrug him off...it wasn't a leader he wanted...it was his older brother. And ya didn't show 'im that...I was pissed!" he explained, placing the empty plate beside him, "Ya came back, high and mighty, thinkin' two years on ya own made ya know it all but ya learned even less...dat ta be a leader, ya have to be equal and ya have to know da difference between leader and brother...how ta even the two out."

Leo nodded, accepting the criticism quietly, knowing Raph was right.

"I was mad at ya Leo...ya took off for two damn years...cut ya self off from us...t'inkin dat ya ta be a leader, ya had ta leave us alone...but when ya left, ya created a domino affect..." Raph said angrily, "First Splinter got sick...den Donnie had ta find a job ta get meds, then he kept getting' sick...waiting for ya ta come home...and ya never did! Mikey every friggin year, on da day you were due back, made a fuckin party, hoping and hoping you would walk through those doors. Every fuckin' holiday dat passed, he hoped and prayed and we all did...but we couldn't show it...because when da day was over...we had ta comfort him...and hold him when he fuckin' cried, thinkin' it was his fault ya left, and his fault ya wouldn't come back..." he said angrily but his voice was low, filled with anger but not to angry to yell.

"Then...me and you...we fought...and ya were so high and mighty as I tried to ta tell you...but you wouldn't even listen! I protected Mikey when he went to dose damn birthday parties! 38 times he went out and got jumped by Purple Dragons or the Foot...out of hundreds, 38 times I saved him..." Raph explained, "and Splinter... Splinter totally ignored da fact ya made me Leader and appointed Donnie when he don't want Leader...he has enough on his plate ta make us healthy and keep up wit da security and his studyin', but Splinter didn't care..."

Leo was about to speak up but Raph held up his hand, speaking once more, "Did ya hurt us by leaving? Yes... but ya did a lot of damage...acknowledge it...admit ya were wrong...and help us! Allow us ta make our own choices about our lives...If I want ta work wit Casey on bikes and earn money dat way, let me...cause I can be safe and ya know that."

Raph gestured to Donnie, "Ya know he's smart and dat he'd do anythin' for us...hell, he hacked into da police and FBI database to wipe any traces of us in files ta keep us safe...let him make da choice about furthering his education or working on software...let him be creative and time jist ta be him..."

"And Mikey?" Leo asked curiously, wondering how his brother got so insightful.

"Let Mikey be da coddled brother and us take care of him...allow him ta be creative wit his art and ta go his own way with anything...trust him ta do what's right cause ya know he has a good heart..." Raph told Leo, smiling at him now, "Let us be us Leo...and let you be you. Ya can't change us ta be followers if we ain't happy with our leader not even knowing how ta be a brother...we can still practice and go topside...but we gotta be a family first...or we'll never be strong..."

Leo nodded, "If one of us goes down...we all go down..." he whispered softly.

Donnie spoke then, speaking up, surprising them, "That is true...and it usually takes one of us falling down and the others to help get us back up...to mend again..." he said tiredly, sitting up. His head still hurt but he felt loads better.

"So together...we'll heal Mikey and together be a family...that supports eachother this time..." Leo said firmly.

They nodded, smiling at eachother.

Mikey slowly opened his eyes, the sound of soft beeping waking him, wondering why no one would turn it off.

He shifted a little, his body was aching painfully, feeling heavy as he tried lifting a arm but he had no strength. _What happened?_ he wondered, looking around the darkened room. He could hear the tapping, tapping for a keyboard and knew Donnie must be working on his computer.

He breathed in deeply, it hurt, his throat was sore and it felt like it was burning inside. He let out a weak cough, eyes filling as that had hurt.

Donnie immediately stopped typing when he heard the soft cough, hurrying over to Mikey's bed,


End file.
